I've been sick for a second week now, and the further it goes, the worse it gets. Right now my temperature is around 38, but even when it's 37.5, I feel so awful that I can't stand it. My whole body aches, last night I woke up every hour, tormented by nightmares. I even wanted to share them here, but I forgot them. The thing is, I almost never run a fever when I get sick. I don't want to fall into mythological thinking here, but it's quite possible that because of this I tolerate even a slight fever, like 37.5, much worse. I can't even imagine what would happen to me at 39. I think I'd go crazy. Right now I have the oil heater blasting on full, I'm wearing a sweater, and sometimes I even cover myself with a blanket so I don't feel the cold.
I'm treating it, of course, went to the doctor, I'm taking antibiotics, but apparently the infection is especially nasty, I can't fight it off yet. I'll go again tomorrow, he'll probably prescribe stronger antibiotics, or just different ones, since these aren't beating the infection down enough.
I've never been so sick with an infectious disease (I have a respiratory tract infection - bronchitis, or maybe even pneumonia, I'll ask the doctor for more details tomorrow). I absolutely cannot imagine how people tolerate such body pain constantly for many years. I wouldn't last even a couple of months.
If I were a believer, I'd say this is payback for my whining, so I'd learn what real hardship is, and stop whining. But I'm a materialist, so I'll just endure it, there's nothing else left to do.
When I tore a ligament, even then I only suffered badly for a few days after the injury, and a few days after the surgery. Of course, there was also a long healing and rehab process, which still isn't over, but at least there it was clear what awaited me next. Here, for now, I'm in terror and fear. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's very hard to endure, especially in the evening when my temperature goes up. It's also unclear if it's okay to bring it down with fever reducers, since a slight fever helps the body fight the infection. I'll take some for the night anyway, otherwise I just won't be able to get a decent sleep even for a few hours.
Sorry for the complaints, but I really had to get this off my chest. In the end, I'll reread this later to remember how awful it is to be sick, and that I need to make every possible effort to avoid it.